If you somehow found this post then welcome. The short answer about why I am starting an art blog is that I want to track my progress as an artist and interact and develop an art community. The long answer requires a bit more of an explanation. If this comes out jumbled and rambly or the grammar isn’t all there then I apologize in advance. Going forward when I create posts I don’t want to think too long and hard about what I want or need to say. I want a voice.
If it isn’t obvious already I don’t know what I am doing as an artist. I am trying desperately to figure it out and I am hoping this blog helps. If there is one thing I do know is that I love to create. It is in fact the one true and constant thing that I have ever felt in my life. The only thing that makes my life feel like it has meaning and purpose. It has been my coping mechanism and my relief in some of my darkest times. Until it wasn’t. Until I started questioning everything about it. Until it became the link to my success in life. Until it became daunting.
As you can probably tell by those last few sentences, I’ve been going through a bit of a crisis. I struggle with anxiety and depression. I have very low self-esteem. For those of you who are reading this and worried please don’t be. I am currently in therapy and I have a small support system, but to say it hasn’t been a struggle would be the biggest lie I have ever told.
I often lie to people about my struggles. I often put on a brave face and pretend I am ok. I have gotten very good at it, but I don’t want to lie anymore. I want to start this blog because I want to be honest about the struggles that I am facing when trying to make it as an artist.
I feel very much like I am at the bottom. I am just starting to put myself out there and trying to convince myself that all the anxiety about it will all be worth it, but I am also very scared I will amount to nothing. That when all is said and done I am mediocre at best and maybe this blog is me trying to come to grips with that.
I honestly don’t know where this will take me. I don’t know how often I’ll post. I don’t even know if I can motivate myself enough through my depression to keep going, but I want to. Even if this blog is me talking to myself at least it is out of my head and just maybe I can make sense of it all.
If you happen to have miraculously found this blog and post, Hi. My name is Seleena. I hope you are doing ok and I wish you well. If you are struggling too or if you feel alone know that you are not. I don’t know you and I know that even if you read this it might not feel like I am actually talking to you but I am, because I am you. A lonely soul trying to make it in this world too. If you would like to follow me on my art journey I welcome you. If not that’s OK no hard feelings.
Thank You for Reading!